Topic

TOILETS AND SINKS

Moving out of the living room, toilets make a good place to hide your guns. You can always seal a gun in waterproof plastic and leave it in the toilet tank. It’s a classic move for good reason. If you want to be stealthier, your bathroom sink provides perfect coverage.

Most bathroom sinks have a decorative fake drawer in the front. There might be functional drawers to the sides. They slide to the left and the right of the actual plumbing. You can only put a very shallow drawer directly in front of the sink bowl itself, so most manufacturers don’t bother.

That leaves just enough room to hide a gun between the sink and the fake decorative drawer. It’s extra protected by the combination of darkness and awkward ac-cessibility. If you’re a handyman, you can have plywood cut to make a floating platform that conforms to the shape of the sink and the front of the cabinet. Suspend it from the underside of the sink. Make sure the plywood is cut in such a way that it lies flush with the drawers on either side. You should only be able to access the gun if you’re lying on the floor with the sink cabinet doors open and the drawers pulled all the way out. Reach behind the extended drawers to access the platform you just created.

If you want something with faster access or you don’t have the right tools at home, you can reuse the duct tape net trick. In this case, the goal is to make it look like you’ve done a horrible job fixing your own plumbing. Add duct tape to your pipes. Use it to look like you reinforced some of the wood structure of your cabinet. But most of all, use it to create a nice little net between the front of the fake drawer and the body of the sink. You shouldn’t need to open the drawers to access the contents of your net. As long as you know exactly where it’s located, you should be able to reach under the sink and pull your gun right out.

If your household includes ladies of a certain age, tampon boxes are a great place to hide small handguns. People have a visceral dislike of everything involving menstruation, so an open box of tampons with a few sticking out of the top isn’t going to be anyone’s first choice of places to search. Plus, while many women enjoy spending an afternoon at the gun range, stereotypes of women as passive and afraid of firearms can work to their advantage. In addition to a tampon box, if the women in your family enjoy lots of sample sized soaps, bath bombs, and other stereotypically girly things, try hiding a gun at the bottom of their bath basket. Just make sure to keep restocking the basket with more sample sized bottles of scented bodywashes to keep the gun safely hidden.